God’s Answer

I am now settling into my office seat for a long night of newspaper production. This week has been filled with trials and infinite tribulations, tests that have stretched my sanity to the edge and deprived my body of slumber. The staggering assignments of reading, the newspaper-worthy news, the residents, the endless meetings, e-mails, dinners, expectations. They’ve molded into a giant statue of Chuck Norris, impossible to overcome – while concealing the insanity that fights to break out into public, releasing that right hook, not the one to bypass obstacles, but the punch that rails against any and all resistant forces. Absolute constraints have yielded to my outbreaks, my random fits, my failure to function responsibility, my frequent snores of tire, my often bites of sarcastic outlashes, leaving only my ability to breathe in the Lord and pray for whatever He deems necessary, whether it be solitary, less chores, sleep. But no, not one of those lay in his plans; instead he gives me friends to embrace my every fault of effort. Yes, He knows just what I need – thank God.

Suspended

It’s very strange to be so near someone you care about but be under the social constraints of separation. To act and go along almost as if you don’t know them, apart from a few little smiles from across the room. I’m at a training camp with my beloved, and we just got back from lunch. Sitting three tables away. Not talking to one another because our groups are separate. Such a strange feeling, not one I’m fond of.

It’s as if I’m suspended in this strange time where he isn’t mine, but I still know everything about him. So strange and unsettling. Those constraints will no doubt ensue for the next couple of weeks, so I suppose I’ll get used to it to a certain degree. I don’t like jumping back and forth between portals of normalcy.

On the bright side, I’ve met a lot of new people through this and am happy to meet such a great group of people. Again, the new people make me feel as if I’m stepping into a new stage of my life, and he isn’t following. But of course, that’s not happening. It isn’t slipping away.

Chickfila Anti-Boycott

Yesterday I took part in the Chickfila Anti-Boycott. There have been plenty of articles on the subject, but basically the gist of it is that a religious magazine asked Chickfila CEO Dan Cathy about his beliefs. Cathy said he stood for traditional values and Christianity, commenting that those who believe they can define marriage were arrogant and that he was guilty as charged in his believs against gay marriage. There was an uproar by leftist political groups to call a boycott for Wednesday, August 1^st to teach the CEO a lesson.

Chickfila responded by making Wednesday Chickfila Appreciation day and beckoning people to visit Chickfila on Wednesday to stand for traditional values. Their marketing decision was an overwhelming success. I live across from a Chickfila, and there have never been so many people lines up inside and at the window, and never have so many people been in such a good mood to crammed into a fast food restaurant.

My boyfriend and I decided to grab a between-lunch-and-dinner snack to show our support, and boy am I glad we decided to participate. I have never swelled with such pride and felt surrounded by such a large family. People were talking to strangers and discussing the upcoming election as if they had known each other for quite some time. The employees were working extra hard to keep all the tables clear and clean on the inside, and I heard from a friend that our particular drive-thru was pulling 150 cars through the line each hour.

I took a seat while my boyfriend stood in line, and all I could do was take pictures and spread the word. I overheard people say that around 11 the drive-thru line wrapped around the building and blocked the main road, and the inside line had run outside down the side of the building.

Meanwhile I ran through a flood of tweets that supported Chickfila response to the attack. I was so proud to be part of this historical day.

Many people responded negatively to this massive movement. They said people were making too big of a deal of nothing and that this movement showed hate towards gays. And coming from this side of the movement, all I have to say is they are sorely misguided. Unfortunately, I’ve come to know from experience that most of them won’t listen to what we have to say. We either agree with them or we hate them.

It has become the ultimate downfall of our society. The beautiful thing that has always set America apart from the very beginning of its development is that people with multiple people can have their opinion and not be penalized for that belief (though I am aware things have never been that straightforward, they never are).

People came to Chickfila yesterday to stand up for the First Amendment, and people came to stand up for the Christian values that this country was built on.

So to the people who say they don’t care, that those statuses are just annoying, the next time you stand up for something you believe in remember all those who did the same yesterday. I was honored to be a part of this. There was no hate, just the celebration of our right to express our beliefs.

Foster Dog Photo Shoot + A Couple Extras

Antique Shopping

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I’ve recently in the last couple of years, and I can’t wait to decorate a house of my own!

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Emma Lynne and Dobby

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Horrible/Wonderful Day

This is going to be a quick post because it’s late, and I’m tired. But today has definitely been an eventful day. It started out lie the others. I woke up kind of late, didn’t know what to do with myself. Couldn’t figure out what to do for lunch, and Mom invited me to eat with her and her coworker on their lunch break from work. I did that, and then I headed home. Took a nap and then got ready to go to my friend’s to do some laundry (long story), and I was on the way there when he texted me asking me to join him for the family dinner.

I know that this may sound against the rules that we had set out, and maybe it is, but I think he had had a lot of time to at least think things through. Anyway, I was hesitant because I felt that if I saw him I wouldn’t be able to hold off again. It gets easier as a habit, you know? Anyway, he told me that I should still come and that we could talk through some things. I decided it would be a good idea for the sake of progress, so I gave in to his invite.

When he came to my door it was pretty emotional, and we kissed. And then we headed off to his house to eat. The food was good, and we decided to watch an episode of Lost before having our talk. Unfortunately, I started experiencing major stomach pains. He took me home, and little did I know the pain was only going to increase. I nearly went to the emergency room. Mom came home early from work, and Craig came back to bring me to the ER. Luckily, by the time my mom had gotten back the pain had subsided. We still aren’t exactly sure what happened, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’ve never felt so much pain in my entire life; I nearly threw up because of the pain. It was dreadful, and I have a meeting with my doctor soon to make sure I never have to experience that again.

Mom and Craig stayed with me for quite some time. I was weak for a while. By that time it was around 9, and Mom decided to go to bed. Craig and I went back to his house to do some more talking, something we didn’t actually get to start before that. It was nice to be able to hug him and be with him, but the talk was also productive. He had definitely found some things he felt he had to work on, and decided that there were things he needed to stand strong on because he figured out they made him who he was (don’t like ending a sentence like that).

Anyway, among the main ones were that he was a hunter and a fisher (two things I’ve struggled with as I am an extreme animal lover – though not a vegetarian. I just don’t think you need to kill more when they’re already being killed.). He also said that he was too quiet and that gaining confidence and leaving self-consciousness behind would help him move forward as a leader. Which I thought was good.

There were other parts of course, but those were the most important. However, lastly, he told me that for the past week and a half he had been toying with the idea of switching his major to pre-med. Before (and at least for now) he is a chemical engineer major, which is a four-year program. Everyone know going the doctor path is an entirely different story. Anyway, that threw me for a loop and might have been a wee bit too much for me to handle in one night.

He says he wants to travel while he’s young. I say I’d like to be married before I’m 30. There’s a lot to think about with a decision like that one. Just so much more schooling. Plus, I would definitely end up practicing law for a while if that were the case (my chosen path as of now), but I was hoping to be able to write and use it as a stepping stone/credit. It’s a big decision, and I’m prepared to support him no matter what, which I told him. But  I really, really don’t want to wait so long to be married to him. That’s the thing that bothers me most. I want to marry young. I want to be married for a while before I have kids!

Of course, we’re still young, and I take into account the fact that our relationship may not turn out (so don’t give me that lecture), but if we are to make it, I really don’t want to wait so long!

But he says he’s worried that he will get bored with his job and that he wants new challenges everyday. And I can definitely understand that. So, who knows what’s going to happen now? I just got dropped off, and I think I’m going to see him tomorrow again.

I guess I knew that it wouldn’t last a month, but I’m still giving him space to figure things out. We still aren’t on full strong, and I accept that. I just need to respect when he needs time to think. If there had been no progress and he had not worked at it, I would say I still need to give him complete space. But I think if I respect his time, it won’t be an issue until he finds himself on his feet. This still isn’t over, and he says he still needs to find a way to truly get himself out there on the right foot – to actually show me the difference. I think that part may take a while, so stay tuned.

We just can’t stay away from each other, can we? Must be something about being young.

Gnight.